2 days ago i had the sudden urge to fix my vonage phone.
A bobby pin, butter knife, nail polish, sweat, strength, rubber band and a hair tie later I fixed it.
YAAAAAAAY ME! (Who needs a man.)
The first person I called was my best friend B around 10:30. Her phone was off. So of course I call her again yesterday to tell her I fixed my phone.
She immediately begins sobbing. I freak out.
"What's wrong, are you ok, what happened?!" etc.
"I left home yesterday, my plane landed here at 11, I got a message saying Dad died and I couldn't stop crying. I finally got myself to stop crying and couldn't start up again. I started having panic attacks so I went to my boyfriend's house to hide. I turned off my phone and turned it on just now and you call. How did you know? I haven't been able to cry till I heard your voice, I miss you."
I can't stop hearing her say these things to me over and over again verbatim.
I guess you can always tell when someone near you needs you. I was in a very weird depressed mood the night B's father died. You can see from my little blog that I had a nice little rant. I felt the need to talk to her - I didn't know why. Now I do.
Again back to the whole weird spirituality thing that I believe in, but God knew she needed attention. She said all of us called her that night because we were thinking about her, and how we've never ALL actually done that on the same night.
I don't know how to give her advice. I made myself shut up and listen to her. I tried to have her talk it out herself like I was taught in my behavioral class - until she yelled at me to stop acting like a doctor and more like a friend. I told her fine - but she needed to promise to see someone. I told her regression causes too many problems for someone as fucked up as her to deal with ;) - and she started laughing. "See, there's my nic"
She went out drinking last night. I sent her about 300 text messages saying I love you so she'd feel supportive. I called my family to support her because hers is across the country, and I blew up her e mail and myspace with all the attention I could muster.
I don't know how to handle this. I want to be strong for her and help her through this, and for once... I have no idea where to begin.
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The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-Jilly Cooper
"The chief cause of unhappiness and failure, is trading what you want most, for what you want at the moment."
Dear god, I should"ve been born a gay man
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3 comments:
Hey there.
First of all, I'm very sorry for your friend's loss. I have no idea what that must be like as all my parents are still alive.
As for your quandry, I can only offer a little suggestion. Just be there for her. You can't be there in person I think, but you can be there in your phone calls and texts. She needs to work through this and at times that's alone and at times that's with other people.
She'll come to you when she needs you. And your friendship, love, and support right now mean more to her than you or her probably realize right now.
The loss of a parent scares me because everyone reacts differently. I've never lost a parent personally, but I've seen it happen to a friend. I think too many people wanted to give her space... so much that it was overdone and she retreated to her own world of grief. Everyone became too cautious about the topic, so it became very awkward and she started "acting" normal to compensate. I regret not showering her with attention and love during that time, and not being brave enough to openly talk about it with her.
I think what you're doing is incredibly sweet and caring. Your friend will appreciate that you're staying you, and not changing the way you interact with her when she needs you the most.
There is a fine line to be drawn between listening and prodding gently. I appear to be pretty good at it, though no one would guess THAT up front.
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