56 days

Last night some tard called my phone at 1 in the morning with a withheld number. I usually don't pick those up because I'm scared it's GM, but in my half groggy state I picked up. Some guy was blabbing about something I didn't understand, and I said that I think he had the wrong number. Then he asked who I was, which I told him (idiot!) and said this is antigua right? and i said yes (still half asleep) and then he asked me how much it would cost him to get a blow job.

omg

i hung up

and then he proceeded to call me every 2 minutes until i turned my phone off.

I sat in my bed shaking for awhile after I turned my phone off (that was around 2) and then I finally called my roommate to come into my room to talk for a little. I was seriously scared. I've had 2 stalkers before this. One in high school, one in college. I knew the kid in high school, and he would drive by my house all the time. I was never really scared in that situation. But I DID NOT know the guy in college, and he definitely tried to contact me a lot, as well as met me one morning before my 7AM class to - well I don't know what he was planning on doing, I ran.

Granted the guy didn't have an accent like GM's it was more... nerdy, sounded more like an american accent, but that can only mean some freak from school got my number and called me. I am FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.

Now had it happened once, I would have assumed it was a prank call. But the asshole kept calling me, so it has to be personal.

Now I'm really scared.

I am not kidding, I mean it, scared, I didn't go to classes today.

So I'm sitting home, alone, waiting for the roommates to come back so I can take a shower... and I am

freaking

out.

freaking out!!!

I want home :(

Random thought

My friend stuck her baby on some type of baby idol thingie back home. She asked us to vote for him. My first thought was, DAMN, she has an ugly baby, but as I was just going through this site I thought:

DAMN!!!

There are a LOT of ugly babies out there.

*shiver*

...

*knock on wood*

Mental Note:

No this has absolutely nothing to do with recent posts, but I have decided the first man to buy me this wins my heart. haha, jk.

I found it while browsing for watches with navy last night. I'd first seen it on TV on some reality show and fell in love. I'd looked for it then to figure out who made it but low and behold, I found it on the Harry Winston site.

God it's gorgeous. This would be the only reason I'd ever decide to get married... that and passing on my genetic information :). I'd have cute babies, I'm sure of it.

Antigua got hit by an earthquake

Is it weird that I heard it before I felt it?

http://www.emsc-csem.org/index.php?page=current⊂=detail&id=39896

Shit.

Said through AIM convo:

"Navy's cell": I think im falling in love with you

Nic: me too...

I know it's not possible, I know it's in my head - and I am fully aware this weird little feeling that keeps building might just go away when we see each other again.

But I don't know if I should fight it... or move along with it.

59 days and I guess I'll get my answer.

60 days

Well today was pretty eventful. Yesterday started of annoyingly by the start of my period.

Yes boys and girls, that meant emotional nic day :).

Ok so lets see, to start if off, last night there was a nice little shooting right outside my house. Yes yes, that was amazing. Woke me up nice and early at 3 am. Apparently the shots had been going off before. 1 shot woke me up "pop"... and then about 5 minutes later it was followed by a "pop pop."

What was my first instinct on that first shot? Did I grab my cell phone and call a neighbor? Did I check all the doors? No no, I wrap my blanket around me (i sleep naked) and run to my roomie's room to see if she was ok (this was RIGHT outside my window, and i don't live where there are a lot of houses) then grab my vonage phone and call navy.

I called navy.

Why? I dunno, but I did.

He didn't pick up.

Then what do I do when I for gain consciousness in the morning?

I call navy.

Incoherent.

Sleepy.

Groggy.

Ugh!!!

Anyway, TB also decided to contact me today. Remember when I told you he wrote me to tell me he had a new girlfriend? Ok well skype has this habit of saving your unsent messages and sending them later when both parties are online. So mid convo my internet cut out, and about 2 weeks ago sent my reply to some question he asked me about -- i don't even remember what it was about actually.

I guess said girlfriend was sitting behind the computer.

She feels threatened by me or something, and go mad at TB for talking to me. Not exactly sure why, but he IMs me today to tell me about it and to apologize for not talking to me for awhile. Then mentions his girlfriend not liking that we talk and somehow I got the impression he was saying we couldn't talk anymore. I of course get annoyed, and say fine, nice knowing you. He realized how his little request came out and started backtracking a little - but i dunno, i was annoyed. Insert hormones here.

Now, navy and I have a weird relationship. I've grown very attached to him, and stuff I would normally keep to myself I usually say to him. In my annoyed state, the first thing I did was IM navy and say "you'll never guess what happened"

Then in the middle of telling him my annoyance, I realize - hey. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. And start to freak myself out.

Nic does not being attached to boys.

So I decided to scare him away. Yes, yes I did. Hormones are a bitch.

Because he'd thrown the "what are we" line at me earlier (did I ever mention this? I told him I would answer him when I got home...) I threw it back. I mentioned how I didn't think we had a future. I told him I was 24 and wanted to get married (LOL!). I told him he wasn't stable - blah blah blah.

To which he laughed...

LAUGHED

and said "Nic, I know you better than you think, stop trying to freak me out."

...

Damn him.


He told me I didn't want to get married, that I should make decisions about my future without coming home first, and that no matter what I said the distance didn't bother him and that I was stuck with him.

Then I reminded him we weren't in a relationship - and he laughed.

So I made a mental note to try and not talk to him as much. He's out right now for his farewell weekend with his buddies where he's stationed before he's moved to DC. Just before he went out I got a "kiss" goodbye on webcam and it gave me butterflies.

Is this possible? I MET THIS GUY ONCE!

I need to work harder on my freaking out abilities... I'm losing my mojo.

61 days

I had a long post planned, but I feel that this image speaks louder than my typed words.

If you know, you know... If you don't

google it :)

BBC

Sometimes this video made me happy, sometimes it made me upset, and sometimes it made me sad... Overall it made me want to visit tehran

Click to watch

69 days

Navy's package came:

HOW CUTE!!!

He got me a polar bear because I complain so much about missing all the snow near my home, and cheddar chex mix because antiguans don't know how amazing it is. He also sent a very sappy card that actually made me smile. Anyway, I took a picture to post (yes that is my bed) and made up a stupid little story about the polar bear stealing my chex mix that made me laugh...

shut up, I have a test tomorrow - procrastination is key

:)

70 days

Today was valentines day... thankfully very uneventful in the world of unwanted men :)

Before I start I wanted to say I thankfully didn't fail my ICM exam. Though it caught me offguard, I still scored above the average. I was hoping it would scare me... it's ok, I have to focus on path on friday.

In other news, as AMSA president today marked the big day for my first fundraiser. I put together a little valentine's gram thing at our school labeled "I have a Ting for you."

Ting is the Caribbean's version of sprite, but instead of lemon lime it uses grapefruit juice.

We send someone an anonymous gram from you, but without knowing who it's from. They in turn can figure out it's you buy paying us additional moolah (unless you dish out more money to make us make it anonymous).

I did it for the Sunshine home for girls, a little orphanage on the island with 12 little girls that have no parents - unfortunately in an effort to keep from doing all the work myself I teamed up with the MED4 class (in hopes to raise money for our banquet)...

yeah they didn't do shit.

I wrote this to tell you of all the things that went wrong, how the MED4 VP got in my face after I called her out on doing bullshit, and how things seemed dim until the very end... but I don't really feel like it.

How about I tell you I made $3500 dollars for these little girls so far, with the money still rolling in. How about I tell you that unlike many others on this island, I busted my ass for 12 children who don't know who I am and got them something in 2 weeks that they've needed for years. I won't be getting recognized, I won't be seeing the money, but I hope to see the effect it has on their lives.

As much as it sounds like a line, every time shit would hit the fan and stress me out, I'd mutter to myself "All I want to do is help the little orphans!" That would make me laugh enough to finish up what needed to be done. Be it searching the island for Ting (they for some odd reason stop making it stupid fucks), organizing lists of 400 people, or staying up till 2 AM making the stupid ting.

Hopefully everyone had an amazing valentines day - navy apparently sent me something but I think the island ate it like it eats everything else. And thankfully, no flowers from LSAT.

I'm out!
nic

71 days

Since the CPE saga seems to be continuing, I've decided to show you all our little e mail convo (cut and paste from beginning to end):

CPE:

Nic,
Do you know this girl? deleted URL

She is Persian and from (edit, my home town). I was at a school retreat with my girlfriend last weekend, and she was on my jock all night. Wouldn't leave me alone! Just curious if you knew her... ttyl.

-CPE

p.s. who's your valentine this year?

Nic:

ew, no - did she mention knowing me?

she seems like she'd be your type though

looks like you liked it: (insert URL of them together)

CPE:

Ewwww...what type is that?

That picture is typical. I was randomly asked to pose. I have standards...

*sigh*

Nic:

if she was on your jock, and your girlfriend was there, why did you accept her facebook invitation?

CPE:

Argghhh...because I wanted to see who she was! You can't look at her profile unless you accept the invitation

Nic:

i could see her profile just fine

CPE:

Hmmmm...I don’t like the way face book is setup. Anyhow, I had all 4 wisdom teeth yanked out last week. I should be getting promoted on March 1. I am moving up in the world...

How is school?

This is your last semester before Miami right?

Nic:

was sending me a picture of some girl that "was all up on your jank" some kind of weird way of getting me to talk to you?

CPE:

NO. I thought it was bizarre that a Persian chick from (edit, where I live) of all places was harassing me. I was curious to know if you knew her. I survive w/ out talking to you easily. You think I have some twisted motive of talking to you. I don't. Talking to you is like talking to one of my boys. You’re a friend. That's it. Chill out Colombo!

What did your guy get you for Valentines day?

...I haven't responded.

Is it bad I find this amusing? He needs to see a shrink.

tomorrow is the dreaded V day... lord help me.

72 days

I come back after failing my ICM exam (miserably might I add) and getting one of my worst grades on my pharm exam (2/5 questions right) to this VERY annoying e mail:

Nic,

Do you know this girl? deleted URL

She is Persian and from (edit, my home town). I was at a school retreat with my girlfriend last weekend, and she was on my jock all night. Wouldn't leave me alone! Just curious if you knew her... ttyl.

-CPE

p.s. who's your valentine this year?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I TELL YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND AFTER IGNORING YOUR CALLS FOR A WEEK YOU SEND ME A NASTY GIRL THAT YOU PROBABLY FUCKED?!

disgusting.

So I went to her facebook page and found a couple of shots of them together, and replied to his little e mail saying she seemed like his type, stuck in the pictures, and added that he probably liked it.

annoying.

shoot me

Icon!

I made a little icon for my blog!!! How cool is that?!

Iconart is awesome...

now if you bookmark me you'll see my legs tanning by the caribbean sea :)

76 days

There comes a time in every woman's life where she admits:

I want a baby

Not now of course, but the hospital rounds this morning landed us in the neonatal unit. We were doing the usual - standing in the corner - listening to the doctor preach - while the uncomfortable patient feels like 7 students are staring at her - bit *breath*, when it happened.

I looked at the patients belly, all round and bloated, and wanted a baby.

Then I freaked out.
Yes.
Yes I did.

It didn't help that a few seconds later when the doctor checked for her baby's heart beat - and we finally heard it - I got all teary eyed.

I am a freak.

I got to feel the next patients belly though. SOOOOOOOOO COOL

A friend came and sat next to me and I got distracted... I forgot where I was going with this. whoops - short blog, sorry

77 days

Meh, maybe I'm the bipolar one...

The "heat" I felt with navy seems to be sizzling out on my end, where as on his it seems to be growing. I still like speaking to him, but the NEED seems to be gone now, he just seems like habit. I dunno. I hope I don't hurt him when I come home. I keep telling him I'll only be home for a couple days if I don't go to b'more... he says he doesn't care. What if I do?

LSAT study buddy has asked B how to send me flowers here. Shit. I haven't really spoken to him all that much since that little myspace breaking heart weird e mail shit.

Backing up.

B IMs me and tells me someone wants to send me flowers - and refused to tell me because she said it was funny. I asked if it was her, my mom, the other 2 in our group, cynically asked if it was CPE ("DO YOU THINK I WOULD SPEAK TO CPE?!"), I even asked if it was navy (which meant she grilled me about what was going on... which I craftily dodged masterfully). Finally after LSAT randomly IMed me and we spoke for awhile (where he mentioned we're going to a nice dinner when I go home) I guessed him, and she finally told me.

I asked her if she really thought helping him was a good idea.

...she masterfully dodged that question the little toad.

I don't want LSAT to buy me flowers!!! WHY IS VALENTINES DAY SO FREAKING ANNOYING!!!

I want a hole, I'm going to climb into it, put a rock over it, and run away from any man that attempts to be nice to me. I don't want you to be nice.

ok ok, a teddy bear WOULD be cute... but not if you want to actually date me. GAH!

...valentines day should be a day for friends NOT lovers.

P.S. Please take this moment to review what happened to me LAST Valentines day. I am cursed.

Don't judge us

Based on the actions of others...


Though there are some that believe this is the way to greatness, never group a culture according to their religion - or judge their intent due to the misinterpretation of the majority's religion.

Some of us believe that He works in other ways..

81 days

Yesterday I gave my first abdominal exam.

*breathe*

AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

:)

Because we're not allowed to touch patients yet, our ICM professors pay patients with chronic (long term) illnesses come in and have us practice on them. I took my first history on a woman who had suffered from breast cancer. She was sweet, and I scared her senseless telling her to make sure she checked herself monthly because the lump can come back. They're very patient with us, and tend to know more about the process than we do.

"What is your present complaint?"
"You're supposed to tell me your name first"
"Hello, my name is Nic, what brings you here to see us today?"
"You're supposed to ask my name next."

highly annoying... because later we'll have nurses doing that kind of stuff for us. Anyway, I've seen patients so far with Grave's disease (with their massive bulging eyeballs), breast cancer, and hydrocephali (half of her face was paralyzed). I had the pleasure of giving the girl with hydrocephali an exam.

What sucked was that she had massive abdominal (stomach) scars, and I couldn't really feel around like I was supposed to. I also got in trouble for not cutting my nails... bah.

It was awkward, but cool at the same time. She was very patient with us, but at the very same time really shy. I'm sure 12 medical students asking you a million questions and hovering over you isn't too reassuring.

Anyway - that was exciting. I also learned how to take a proper blood pressure reading. I'll never be able to figure out diastolic readings... gah! Practice makes perfect no?

...I'm going to go and attack my roommate's arm. Let's see how her BP reads :)

_*_*_*_*Later in the day*_*_*_*_

-roomie had low BP btw, I thought I was doing something wrong, damn her.



in other news:

Is it normal for a person to become so infatuated with someone she's met only once, and knows she has no future with?

navy sucks dude, I'm doomed.

Does this mean I have dependency issues? That i need male attention? WHAT GIVES!!! I AM A BITCH TO MEN DAMMIT, WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS EMOTION!!!?!?!?!

... I haven't stopped thinking about him all day. He sends me little text messages from his phone letting me know he's thinking about me.

We both agree this weird talking on the phone thing is FREAKISH but because we both admit it, it's ok. We both admit the fact that we didn't think we would see each other again after new years (I think I mentioned before that I kissed him and cuddled). We both have no idea how we became "close" in such a short time span...

EW DUDE, I DON'T LIKE THIS SHIT.

I think it might have something to do with the fact that he's no where near me, and I usually get annoyed with people who pay too much attention to me in the beginning. This is kinda like the J situation right before I left for school. It also helps that he's not totally into me from the looks aspect and due to distance has been forced to become attracted to me intellectually.

I hate guys that know nothing about and rave about how much they like me. Kiss my ass.

Regardless I still don't think it's going to go anywhere, I'm absolutely sure of it. He's young. He's going to change. AND the age thing really bothers me. I guess a year is ok, but 2.5 is kinda much. (i just killed a mosquito - little shit) Plus he's in the military, which I hate and though he is very ambitious, he hasn't finished college or started any plans for after he gets out of the military.

Why am I talking about this as if it's a possibility?

I have been semi flirting with a guy one semester above me who is currently in b'more on clinical rotations. He's not that attractive, not that tall, but he's really cool. I dunno... hot attractive navy vs. nice sweet medy.

medy is also shy. Who knows.

oh yeah, real quick - the mosquito issue is getting out of hand. I swapped at one earlier today while reading for my ICM quiz monday, and the fatass was so full of my blood (MY BLOOD) that when my hand barely hit her, her engorged belly flew down into my book and SPLAT blood all over it. I'm not kidding, the mid air impact left a star shaped blood streak on my hand AND book, and I didn't even make full contact with her. I couldn't wipe the blood off my book... I am highly annoyed... there's a big red mark in the GI hemorrhage section (how quaint).

Stupid mosquitoes... go away

83 days

Someone another mosquito found its way into my room, got under my shirt, and bit the lower medial portion of my right breast. THAT PIECE OF SHIT! IT ITCHES!

Mr. nasty mosquito doesn't know he's going to die soon.

I'm sitting here, in a fetal position, sitting on a white sheet with a can full of aerosolic BOP spray waiting for the pervert to try to suck me again. OOOOOO he's gonna get it!

In other news, CPE is a bipolar FREAK. Here is a run down (edited to delete names and put in order) of the last batch of e mails he's sent me. He's started up the calling/IMing/e mailing nonesense bit again. He wants attention, I'm too stressed out to deal with him sooooo for your enjoyment, a day in the life of nic/cpe (p.s. he's sent more since this... annoying)

CPE: What do you want to be?

Nic: we've gone over this so many times, i get the feeling you're not listenting to me

CPE: I do listen to you...You mentioned peds

Nic: (one day without answering back to his e mail)

CPE: Were on the verge of war with Iran...

Nic: but we've always known that

i told you that 5 years ago

CPE:
Why is it so hard to talk to you. I'm trying to be friendly, and everything is a smartass remark. What goes it? You get off by trying to correct me and show that you are smarter than I. Just be chill.

So what's new?

Nic:
why? I mean seriously CPE, WHY

you claim you want to be my friend but you get a new girlfriend and turn into a smart ass. Then you find me on aim when you and your girl are having troubles asking for my advice - which i give. You make a big deal about contacting me on xmas and my birthday - but then I realize you're just lonely because your girl isn't in town. Now you want to talk and "be friends" again.

let me guess - things are rocky with the girlfriend.

my friends put me first CPE. They don't call me names or throw my past in my face. They're there for me in good times and bad - and are generally there for me even if i do things they don't like.

you just want attention, and i'm sorry, but i'm not your fallback person. If you want to be my "friend" prove it. I'm sick of giving you any more chances - you are bipolar. You get upset at me for stupid reasons - most of them being that I didn't want to get back together with you or that I was dating a guy when you wanted me to pay attention to you. What happened when I needed someone? When I was going through a hard time? When I needed a shoulder? --- oh I know, you acted like your usual self.

I think you've done enough.

I will always be here for you when you hit hard times, don't get me wrong, I care very much for you - but don't insult my intelligence by telling me you want to just "be friends."

CPE doesn't know how to have friends.

Hope you're have a great day
Nic

p.s. don't bullshit me with the "fair enough" or the "nobody said i was perfect" or the "everyone makes mistakes" response. I've heard that bullshit enough too.


CPE:
Wow.

I didn't expect to get that kind of response from you.

Let me clear a few things up. Things are great between my girlfriend and I. Period. I have an awesome girlfriend.

Next, I understand your point of view. I have been selfish and a bit of an ass on a variety of occasions. And you are right! I have very few friends in my life that I care for. Saying that, I have no hidden motives in trying to befriend you! I just want to be friends. If that is a source for your frustration, I'm sorry about that. And speaking of your friends, deep down you should know that I would always be here for you if you needed someone.

Now, when I contacted you that one night about some issues I had, I did so because I trust your judgment, I respect what your opinions and considering the content of the conversation, I considered you a subject matter expert.

I wish the best for you and I hope your relationship(s) are going as you had hoped.

Relax!

I ignored him, and he's continued to call/IM/e mail me atleast 6-7 times a day since. He either sends me a foward making fun of germany (he still thinks I'm dating TB) or IMs me saying hi, and then doesn't say a word.

BI FUCKING POLAR

OH! And TB called me... he wanted to inform me he has a new girlfriend, and asked who navy was. That was pretty weird. I haven't spoken to him since the before the winter break. I guess he'd gone to my myspace and seen a new guy popping in and out. OOOO BOOOOY. Anyway, I didn't ask any questions about his new girl while he was grilling me on Navy, I wasn't jealous but I did get a little ping in my heart when he told me he'd met her. Infatuation is a bitch, I really thought I cared about him.
He asked if I was still coming to see him in Germany, I joked that I'd have to ask his girlfriend first - he replied "she won't be around then." I may go... when I have time... WITH SOMEONE. That would be very awkward. I'd definitely sleep with him if I were alone and drunk... just cause I'd be in Germany and that would be cool. Must prevent self from using poor defenseless men... stop stop stop...

The mosquito disappeared. I guess sucking on my breast filled the little pervert up. IT STILL ITCHES DAMMIT.

p.s. my path test went ok today, I knew a lot more than I thought I did, last minute cramming did me well. We'll see when I get my grades.