Day 1

LM told me "It takes 21 days to build a habit, and 21 days to break one."

With that being said this is day one. I gave him his xmas gift, which he loved on Sunday. Yesterday should have been day one, but he stupidly called me and I got these butterflies... and long story short. Today is day one.

I will break my habit of him.

I'm doing better. I had a date on saturday, very nice guy. Not sure if I can jump into anything right now, but he seems like a very down to earth, fun guy. If I'm not ready, maybe I can be his friend?

Let me back up:

This past thursday he dropped off my xmas gifts. I got a woobie, a book on wine, light blue satin sheets, and a ring from tiffany's. I'm nosy, and sneaky, and still very jealous... soooo I go to ebay, find his name, and figure out he not only bought me something from tiffany's... but something else from tiffany's for someone else. *sigh* so the "specialness" of my gift - per say - is now gone. But I guess it's the thought that counts. It's my door prize for fucking KP. I never called to say thank you. I thought he didn't care.

He did.

I wake up to about 10 text messages saturday morning that compiled go something like this:
"Merry christmas... since your not going to give me my gift can i at least get my jeans if your going to be cheap and u never... and it too much to sew them. drop them off or put them in the mail. I will pay the postage of drop them off at my neighbors or my truck. dont be a chris and hold my stuff against me...how fun you have turned this... i love that you told me that i am like him when your the tight ass that wont give me my pants... i am thedevil......................."

I wrote him back something harsh and he wrote me back and apologized, said he was upset that I didn't say thank you. Long story short he confessed he cared what was happening, and didn't understand how it got like this, blah blah blah - that he needed to figure things out. I told him to take whatever time he needed, and when he came to whatever realization he thought he needed to come to, to give me a call, and we get coffee or go to dinner or something.

He got his gift sunday. I got a lot of hugs, and catch up talk. He kept taking my picture, he loved the camera. Very awkward goodbye... I was quite and cold I guess, I just didn't want to see him.

He calls me randomly yesterday for directions: WHY!

But this is all pointless - basically this is day one. I'm doing well. Agreed to meet the guy from saturday tomorrow after I do happy hour with the girls. I don't think about him as much, but I do miss him.

I'll get over this. I'll read this later and see how pathetic it sounds. :) But I'll be stronger and wiser, and I couldn't ask for more.

I don't think it's hit me yet

I told him I want nothing to do with him. So he's gone. I cried a lot, my eyes still hurt. But it's done. I'm actually taking it pretty well. No pangs like I use to have when things ended.

He said he still wants to give me my presents for my birthday and xmas, and asked if I wanted to meet, or have him drop it off. I said drop it off. I don't really want to see him now that I've made this decision. I might get weak. I really did love him, and believed he did me. I guess you can't believe everything people tell you.

I just got of the phone with LM, havn't talked to her in AGES and told her what happened, she promised she'd be my new going out buddy. I'm meeting DC for drinks tomorrow night, she's been awesome so far. Annnnd I meet LH in 2 weeks for coffee... but I'm not too sure about that one. Who cares! YAY! FRIENDS! :)


Finally free!!! I actually feel relieved!!!

Idiot

So I like an idiot hung out with KP tonight. He was drunk, like he always is now, was pretty much in dick mode and annoyed me most of the night. We were with his friend T, and even he kept asking me why I put up with it. I debated leaving after we got back to KP's house and T left... not wanting to deal with drama. I should have. The first 10 minutes were good, we talked like normal... he's a lot angrier now. But then he checked his messages, and I could hear them...

Girls Voice: "Hey you, it's me" ... insert normal girl dating guy talk here

I bet it was fucking Erin Cooper... and I overheard something about maybe her seeing him in a couple weeks. Now I feel like I'm going to vomit. I left right after, I couldn't even stand being there, he's not even fun anymore. I guess I'm just clinging to the sweetheart I met... why did I STAY!!!

Damnit this hurts.

What the fuck is wrong with me!

Stronger

So I refuse to read my previous posts... I can already tell by the titles and remembering the way I was feeling at the moment that I'll feel pathetic and stupid after reading the way I was feeling at that time. But some things do that to you, and nobody's perfect. I know everyone has had those doubts and feelings, and some aren't strong enough to admit them. So there, because I can admit it I'm stronger than those who can't and that makes me feel a ton better. Or I can keep telling myself that and hope I'll start to believe it :).

Making things official with KP had helped a lot. I told him I valued his friendship more than anything else he and I were doing. I guess it was kinda liberating. I don't expect anything anymore, and it's making it easier. That and the fact that this time it was me ending it, which technically really makes it official. I can't continue with the whole situation unless we have a good talk and set some rules, and knowing he's leaving and all his reservations about everything I now want, I'm sure that's not going to happen.

I'm making myself branch out and go out. I've met a couple new girls, and though they live far from where I am, getting to know new people is always exciting, and I'm doing the whole learn about them learn about me thing. Gave my number out to a couple guys this past weekend, but I'm not really holding my breath for them to call, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with anyone yet. Them hitting on me in itself made me uncomfortable. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! I'm still basically stuck on KP. I can honestly say he's the first person I've dated due to personality alone, there's just a comfort there that I still can't explain. Even with that he still gave me problems.

So lets see:

I've dated the pretty boys - and they're always getting too much attention and piss me off.

I've dated the nice boys - and they too get too much attention from stupid girls and piss me off.

In fact I think I probably boost these stupid men's heads to a higher level just dating them, and for some odd reason they think they can do better. HAH... This all leads into my curse which i'll have to post later in it's own respective section.

My self esteem is slowly coming back, and I've learned some very valuable lessons through this whole ordeal. I mean the entire one - that started with CE almost a year and a half ago and is currently, hopefully, ending with KP now.

I feel like the haze I've been living in is lifting up off me.

Now I can focus on figuring out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, and how I'm going to accomplish it.

"If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up some place else" - Yogi Berra

Broken

I'm scared.

I'm scared because the last time my heart and my mind disagreed, I ended up listening to my mind.

I'm scared because it took me over 2 years to finally get over that decision, thought in the end I know it was the right one... it's only because AG changed into someone he wasn't when I was with him through our distance.

I'm scared because CE ruined me, and I now have fears that I never had before dealing from little things, to relationships.

I'm scared because I look in the mirror and I don't understand who I'm becoming, and why I'm letting this happen to me, why I'm letting KE do this to me.

I'm scared because I'm trying to do what's best for me... but in the end I only feel better when I speak to him, and I know it's not right.

I'm scared because I know I have to move on, and as much as I try. I can't.

I'm scared because I depend on him, not only for friendship, but for everything - and I blame CE for breaking me.

I'm scared because I'm broken.

I'm scared because I let myself get broken.

I just want to be the old me, where I didn't give a shit about anyone and put myself first. It's just right now I'm scared because the only problem... is KE, and the fact that after 8 months... I'm still clinging to a hope he'll come around. Even though most of the time, I let him believe I don't give a shit. I let him believe I date others... even though I'm not.

I can't.

No one since him has interested me.

Fuck you CE, this is the reason you disgust me.

Look what you've done.

You broke me.

Done.

I’m done. I’m writing it here for all to see, and to remind myself that

I.

AM.

DONE.

I mean it. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I don’t like second guessing myself, and asking myself why I’m not good enough. I’ve been doing it for 7 months and you’d think that in this time frame, this fucking time frame, I would start to mean something to someone. You would think after this long that someone who tells me they care about me more than anyone, would actually try NOT to hurt me. You think they would actually see what they’ve been doing to me, realize that I actually am worth it, and prove it to me, instead of saying it over and over and not showing it. Because dammit I’ve told them they were worth it. I proved it time and time again by standing by and being patient, knowing we would both get what we wanted as soon as they realized what they wanted was me.

Well I changed my mind. You’re not worth it. Not at all.

In the beginning it was easy, it was fun, you wanted to see me all the time, anywhere just to be with me. Not anymore. It’s a rare day I spend quality time with you. In the beginning you enjoyed the same interest, hiking, movies, art. Not anymore, all you seem to want to do is drink. No more hiking, no more nice dinners, no more fun trips. In the beginning you made me smile. Not anymore. I always seem to have to walk around on tip toes. I need to be careful of what I say or discuss with you because in some way it will set you off. You shut yourself off and there’s no getting to you.

Like tonight, and New Years. FORGIVE ME for being upset that the new years YOU planned with ME, YOU suddenly decided to cancel for a trip to Vegas with friends from home. FORGIVE ME for telling you I thought it was SHITTY! That was just my NICE WAY OF PUTTING IT!!! I THINK IT’S THE MOST SELFISH, THOUGHTLESS, PIECE OF SHIT MOVE YOU COULD POSSIBLY PULL. But NOOOOOOO. Instead of all that I calmly call you and told you I thought it was shitty, and then sat there silent. So what if you heard a few sniffles… and that set you off:

“Oh what, so now you’re crying. It’s just New Years”

YES I’M CRYING! YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH SO MUCH SHIT THAT I DO IT ON FUCKING COMMAND NOW!

“Nic you have 2 MONTHS! I don’t see what the big deal is.”

The big deal is that I wanted to spend it with you dumbass. It was the one thing I was looking forward to all year, and now you’ve ruined it, just like you ruin everything at the worst possible time. Like during finals, remember that? Yeah PERFECT TIMING. How about right before my MCATS, remember that?! EVEN BETTER! You decide to pull out your “Time to be a dick” card when I have the most shit to deal with, and think well HEY! LET ME THROW ALL OF MY SHIT RIGHT ONTO THAT FUCKING PILE!!! SHE’LL NEVER KNOW!!!!

Right when I always need you most. Right when one of your hugs can wash away the whole disaster and pull me through…

“I don’t want to deal with this right now, you’re crying.”

I TOLD YOU I WASN’T FUCKING CRYING (so what if I was) WOULD IT HURT TO TALK ME THROUGH THIS SO IT WOULDN’T BUG ME!?

But the straw that broke the camels back was Erin Cooper. GOOOOOOOD ol’ Erin Cooper. The blonde from Cali you met when you went back home the second time we broke up. The one who came here, HERE from CALI, to visit you after you had known her for 2 weeks, 2 WEEKS!!! The one psycho called and described to me perfectly because you decided to go to HIS bar to have fucking dinner with her. The one whose book she gave to you to read and YOU GAVE TO ME to read with her FUCKING INSCRIPTION in the front cover: here KP… blah blah …love Erin. The one who I just found out tonight isn’t even fucking 21 and wasn’t the reason you decided to go to Vegas (damned if I wasn’t going to be blunt and ask about it, she IS a “friend” from back home)… but that I had to understand you still see her.

UNDERSTAND YOU FUCKING STILL “SEE” HER!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhhh I understand completely.

I’ll fucking show you understand.

Under-fucking-stood

I am done.

And just for the fucking record, you’re losing the best thing that could possibly happen to you. Amazing how so many other guys knew but you, and how I threw them all away because for some odd reason, some amazingly ridiculous reason, I thought you were worth it. Oddly enough I have… had SOME sense of loyalty to you. On all these dates with other guys, I felt guilty because I thought we had something more. I felt like I was cheating. I felt stupid and awkward. I never continued anything past a first or second date, EVEN WHEN WE WERE BROKEN UP. Obviously you never had the same conscious. i.e. Erin fucking Cooper.

Done.

KP Part 1 - The Beginning

I think I've already decided not to give this web address out to those who know me. So I guess its fair to assume that you who are reading this have no idea who KP is, and will never run to him and tell him all my woes. With that being said:

KP is THAT guy. You know the one. The one you know is no good for you, who won't commit, and doesn't plan on committing. The one that tells you if he was READY for a girlfriend it would be you, but he isn't so you're not. The one you can't get enough of, and that no other guy compares to no matter how many times you try to move on after every time he hurts you. Yeah, KP is THAT guy.

He was an accident. In fact, at the time I was hoping to do the same to him that he's now doing to me.

March 26 (you know I have it bad when I know the exact date we met) - me trying to rid myself of a psycho ex - boyfriend you all know as the idiot who stole my dog, I find myself with best friend JT and former elementary school buddy JK at a random bar (we were supposed to party it up in GTown so I dressed up). JT notices the bouncer and mentions how atleast the night isn't going to be a total waste since he's some pretty good eye candy... I don't find him THAT attractive. I proceed to get drunk. I hate my ex.

JT mentions how the bouncer keeps looking over at her. I see him walk by and stare and I drink more of my LIT (I'm sipping because I'm a light weight). I think he's weird because he's staring... infact, I notice ALL the bouncers staring and I get to the point where I'm drunk enough and stare back. JT kicks me and tells me he's coming over and to talk to her. He walks right up, introduces himself and gives me this line (no joke)

"Are those your real eyes? Because I've been staring at them all night."

He swears to this day he never said this. I can't confirm because I was answering the first question in my drunken state showing him in fact they weren't my real eyes. JT and JK were laughing at his line. They swear to this day he did. They still get in fights over it.

The line worked I guess, because we talked a little and then he asked for my number. JT was kicking me a lot (I had the bruises to prove it) she got mad that for once I got hit on first, by the guy she was eyeing. I figured I always played wingman, and that it was her turn... that and I didn't care much for him. He kept walking back and forth talking more to JT than me and eventually invited us back to his place after the bar closed because he was having "people over." JT and I decide why not, he might have hot friends, JK declines and goes home.

After the bar closes JT and I get into her car and follow KP and bouncer friend Gary (the two of them were the only "people" going back to his house) back to his house. We decided she saw him first and that we'd pull the old switcheroo. I didn't care, he wasn't even really my type. He was too "big." Our we have to leave phrase was "Lets go get Dave tickets." because honestly, Dave tickets were going on sale, and we were going to camp out to get some. That meant one of us was uncomfortable and it was time to vamanos.

*side note* I like my guys tall and skinny built. Not gross or anything, but I like lean muscle. KP was just a taaaaad bigger than my liking. He's as hard as rock though, and I've now come to my senses that whatever I liked before is nothing compared to his body. It's perfect.

He lived down the street from the bar and walking into his house, we realized we had 2 very drunk girls, and 2 very not so drunk bouncers. What does that mean? Drinking games. I decide to get them just as fucked up as we are.

JT puts on her moves and KP discovers that both she and him like red wine, and as she starts up the convo with him, I serve both guys booze and make fun of them a lot. I hate being drunk alone. I act dumb.

On a beer run from the dining room to the kitchen KP corners me... and we talked. Damn. Gary being the good wingman he was for the night, swoops down on JT and there she blows. The guys lay their claim and mission switcheroo is no longer in progress.

I discover KP is a nice guy. I being the stupid drunk I am open up to him and tell him a lot more than I tell any other bouncer I just happen to meet, and to my surprise he tells me a ton about himself that many people didn't know.

JT interrupt our moment to tell me "WE HAVE TO GET DAVE TICKETS!!! NOW!!!" Apparently I got Gary drunk a little too fast... and JT was coming down off her drunkeness, Gary was no fun. That and he was ugly, with the weirdest teeth I have EVER seen. KP not getting put over states he and Gary are coming too. This is at 4 in the morning.

We go to Ticket Master/Hecht's. There is no one there. Now, I don't know about you guys, but about 4 years ago when I was in high school, we CAMPED out for tickets. If you got there later that say 11 PM the night before a big dave concert, you weren't getting tickets... We pull into an empty parking lot, no fun camping parties, no people to talk to, and it was cold. Camping out for tickets sucks.

After 30 minutes JT said she wanted something, I don't remember what, and says she has to go get it. Gary states he's going with her. KP and I are left alone to talk. We bond a little more. He's nice.

They come back. KP and I decide to make a run to his house for blankets and sweatshirts and hats, because i'm freezing and still wearing my outfit from the night before. That means heels, tight red pants, big black chandelier earrings, and makeup. I hate makeup. I want the makeup OFF MY FACE. And I'm cold. Gimmie big boy sweats and a baseball cap NOW!

Now the events at his house are what takes this random encounter from random, don't care if I hear from him again, to don't know if I like him or not. Up to this point he was a fun guy, possible friend material IF I ever spoke to him again. I WAS NOT looking for someone else to jump into ANY type of relationship with.

We go to his house, and he immediately goes to the kitchen. He calls back to me, "Now what I'm about to do might gross you out, but I have to do it." I'm thinking the worst here. What have I gotten myself into? I'm picturing him popping needles into his arm to shoot up heroin, or some other type of nonesense and I coming down off my drunken state wonder if I should really be alone with this guy in his house after meeting him a couple hours before. I walk into the kitchen, and what is he doing?

THE GROSSEST THING EVER.

He's eating tuna. From the can. I hate tuna. EW!

I start laughing. He gets a little self concious explaining how he HAS to eat tuna or his body will eat itself because he works out so much and blah and blah. I don't stop laughing... I was kinda shocked thinking he was shooting up heroin and I find him eating tuna. He stops eating. I laugh harder.

I notice his tattoo...

I stop laughing.

IT IS HUGE.

Now I have never liked the idea of tattoos... I just don't think they're practical for later in life. I think if you have it, it should be hideable so that you're able to lead a professional life in the future. With that being said, his extends from his shoulder to below his elbow on his left arm. It has his last name down his tricep with designs in between, and ghost flames down his forearm. I force him to show me all of it, and off comes the shirt.

I notice the tattoo on his other arm. Its a symbol he drew with flames.

He then shows me the one on his back. This one is HOT. It has since become my favorite, and I seem to always get yelled at when he's trying to sleep and I stay up outlining it...

I don't like tattoos... I decide here I'm just going to be his friend.

He goes upstairs to change and brush his teeth (he smelled like tuna!). He invites me up. I decline. I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! Then I realize he's probably telling me to come up for sweats... I run up the stairs. I was fiddling around with the stuff on his dresser when he comes out of the bathroom, and just plants one on me.

Now it's been a long time since I've kissed someone and felt butterflies.

I have so many butterflies I think I was going to pass out.

This is great.

I'm really happy.

Cell phone rings... and by that time things were a little heated, and HE says maybe we should slow down. WHA? Respect earned right here - fine line between I label you friend to I want to date you passed here.

* disclaimer * We were still FULLY CLOTHED but our kissing had excalated to makeout level.

JT wants to know where we are. Gary had asked her if she was going to kiss him now that they were alone. She didn't likey.

We go back to Ticket Master... JT hates me. She didn't like bonding with Gary. He sucks.

Later a couple of things happen not worth mentioning. JT went into bitch mode, KP and Gary having started drinking after us went into annoying/embarrassing drunk mode, and me? I went into sleepy mode. (During a mini-nap I overheard KP say "I'm glad she's a cute sleeper." - I start laughing. He gets caught and blames me for pretending to sleep. I laugh harder.)

We bought our tickets, and parted our own separate ways.

KP sent me a text a couple hours later "I had a good time."

It made me smile...

He called me for a date later that night... thats where I got sucked in.

Dammit

continued in later blogs.

If I hear that ring tone ONE MORE TIME

I swear, my mother is going to be the death of me. The woman will not give up! Understood I’m her first born. Understood she wants the best for me. Under-FUCKING-stood but SERIOUSLY! MUST SHE CALL ME EVERY 2 MINUTES!

Lets back track a little. I’m a recent college grad (May 2004). I am taking a year off before heading out to med school. I TOOK A YEAR OFF SO I CAN ATLEAST MAKE AN ATTEMPT AT HAVING A LIFE BEFORE I GIVE UP ANOTHER 9 YEARS IN MY ATTEMPTS AT BECOMING A DOCTOR.

I.e. This year is meant for drinking, and more drinking, and ahem, MORE DRINKING, to the point where I hope only pictures will help me remember the fun I’ve had. I want it out of my system before I sit down like a good little girl and study all the time… again. I don’t want responsibilities. I want a stupid mindless job, like being a waitress, to tide my money issues over, AND ONCE AGAIN NO RESPONSIBILITIES!

My mother’s translation:

1. Now I can find you a husband. I will make you meet everyone I know that has a lot of money and make them call you all the time. If you don’t like them, tough, I’ll tell someone else to call you because you’re pretty and men like that. (GAG ME, I don’t have any trouble finding men mom, I don’t want to date anyone here if I’M LEAVING!)

2. GREAT! Now you can come and work for ME! How about you do everything I SAY, and I yell at you and call you IRRESPONSIBLE if you don’t. (The POINT of this year is for me to be irresponsible. I’M SICK OF FUCKING BEING RESPONSIBLE!)

3. Ok if you don’t want to work for me, I’ll get you a job at my office. Yes you must come at 6 AM and leave at 7PM or I’ll yell at you, even though you don’t have to be there, ever. (She’s so fucking persistant I went and got my real estate license because she nagged me to. I didn’t even fucking study for the test and passed. Wanna know why? Because the shit is easy, all ya’ll who didn’t pass the first time are IDIOTS!)

Now I’m screening all my calls. If you’re not saved in my phone book, you better leave a message or I’m never calling back. I think my mother has called me atleast 30 times today, as well as my “boss” and his “assistant”. I think they’re calling because I won’t answer her calls. Her fucking ring-tone is DRIVING ME CRAZY!

And seriously I can do well on my own. I already have clients, I’ve already made deals. I AM A BIG GIRL DAMMIT! I pay for my own apartment. I paid my way through college (except the last year… she helped with that). I am self dependent right now. I even pay for my father’s cell phone! Why won’t she stop calling? WHY! WHY!!!!

She wants me to work on weekends. No really. WEEKENDS!!! Now this would be fine saaaaaay afternoon. She calls me 6:30AM last sat, the convo goes a little like so:

Are you going to come in today?

NO MOM! LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOONE! I WENT TO BED 2 HOURS AGO!!

Honey you don’t sound too good? What’s wrong?

I have a headache.

OH NO! I’m coming right over, are you getting sick, why do you sound groggy

*This is where I drop the phone and scream really loud into my pillow*

No. No. Mom, it’s fine. I think I just need sleep…. Please please please let me sleep.

Well you need to stop being irresponsible and come in here and do blah and blah and blah for me… oh yeah and can you blah for me?

*sigh*

I’ll be in later mom

7:30

RING RING

WHY HAVN’T YOU COME IN! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!

Mom… it’s 7:30 on a Saturday

*Insert guilt trip here*

I raised you, and I’ve been looking out for you, and you wouldn’t have this job if it weren’t for me and blah and blah and more and more blah.

*Insert more screams into pillow from my side here*

7:45

RING RING

7:50

RING RING

7:55

RING FUCKING RING

I threw my phone across my room at 8:30.

9:00 AM

KNOCK KNOCK

Oh god Please save me.

No really I’m dying I can’t stand her anymore.

I tried being nice! I DID! I went to work just like I was supposed to Monday and Tuesday like a good little girl.

I got fed up with her, and we had another fight Tues, and I told her I wasn’t going back to the office until I needed to, and that I refused to go in to sit on my ass and do absolutely nothing when I’m not getting paid. I can do the same things at the office I can do at home, I AM AN INDEPENDENT CONTRACTOR! Besides I have TV and CL at home.

Please oh please help me.

I’m scared to turn my phone back on. I REALLY AM!

...I’m going to get really drunk tonight, and take a lot of pictures.

To the IDIOT who stole my dog thinking it would win me back.

Listen you FUCKING idiot. The fact that you got me in the first place amazes me. You were fun to look at, I’ll admit that (before you gained the recent 20 pounds) but the fact that I put up with you for almost a year astounds me. No I WILL NOT TAKE YOU BACK. Do you really think that by STEALING MY PUPPY you'll get any type of sympathy from me? No I will not come to your house to play with him. No I will not meet you anywhere to see him. The fact that you call me and accuse me of not loving him because I don't call you to see how he is MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT. I DON'T CALL YOU BECAUSE YOU DISGUST ME. YOU STOLE MY PUPPY!

Now you have a death in the family, and you say I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM. News flash, I MOVED. NO PETS ALLOWED. Idiot. I'd love to take my puppy back, change my number, and never have to deal with you again, but I can't. No I will not drive all the way out to fucking LORTON and walk my poor pooch once or twice a day. I don’t have enough time to waste 40 minutes on commute EACH WAY twice a day because you don’t have any friends to help you out. I have a life, and THE BIGGEST TEST OF MY FUCKING LIFE in 5 days. Hear that idiot? 5 DAYS! Maybe you don't understand this, but the MCATS ARE HARD. They require some attention so I can ACTUALLY HAVE A FUTURE. Unlike you. You fucking loser.

In some ways I think this is another ploy to find out where I live. I DON'T TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE PSYCHOTIC. STOP ASKING ME. Stop asking me how many bedrooms, what exit I'm off of 395, how much rent I pay... you scare me. And the whole line with friends should know where friends live is valid, IF YOU WERE MY FRIEND.

I understand you might find this surprising seeing how I talk to you sometimes... when you call me crying. I don't have the heart to tell you to grow up and get a life. I pity your current girlfriend. I pity whoever you impregnate. I pity your offspring. But most of all I pity my poor puppy.

YOU STOLE MY PUPPY YOU ASSHOLE and now there's no way I can get him back. He loves me more and you hate it. He listens to me when I give him commands, and he shits all over your apartment.

Take that.

Idiot.

Good puppy.

Introduction

OK.

I'm jumping on the band wagon and doing one of these things. I'm in dire need of a release of some sort, and I guess this is another way of doing it. I think maybe over the next couple of days I'll post some of my craigslist posts which I previously posted in the rants and raves section. Those have always been anonymous, but I guess I have a good way of putting things into words since I seem to always make the best of section. Aren't I special? :).

Anyway, this will either be a great place for my stories to live, or end up being my own personal journal... In which case I'll block ALL OF YOU from entering (hah). You know that won't happen. Will the real Nic please stand up?

There is always more to people than anyone can imagine. I'm pretty sure every one of my friends knows one side of me. Each one of them viewing me from a different angle, with only the rare few seeing each side, and putting together the whole complex shape that forms me. This blog scares me, because I'm sure people will see different sides of me they didn't know exist... And I guess I'll just have to live with that (or hope no one figures out it's me!).

With that said, enjoy my blog and leave plenty of comments. I like attention :).