Stronger

So I refuse to read my previous posts... I can already tell by the titles and remembering the way I was feeling at the moment that I'll feel pathetic and stupid after reading the way I was feeling at that time. But some things do that to you, and nobody's perfect. I know everyone has had those doubts and feelings, and some aren't strong enough to admit them. So there, because I can admit it I'm stronger than those who can't and that makes me feel a ton better. Or I can keep telling myself that and hope I'll start to believe it :).

Making things official with KP had helped a lot. I told him I valued his friendship more than anything else he and I were doing. I guess it was kinda liberating. I don't expect anything anymore, and it's making it easier. That and the fact that this time it was me ending it, which technically really makes it official. I can't continue with the whole situation unless we have a good talk and set some rules, and knowing he's leaving and all his reservations about everything I now want, I'm sure that's not going to happen.

I'm making myself branch out and go out. I've met a couple new girls, and though they live far from where I am, getting to know new people is always exciting, and I'm doing the whole learn about them learn about me thing. Gave my number out to a couple guys this past weekend, but I'm not really holding my breath for them to call, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with anyone yet. Them hitting on me in itself made me uncomfortable. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! I'm still basically stuck on KP. I can honestly say he's the first person I've dated due to personality alone, there's just a comfort there that I still can't explain. Even with that he still gave me problems.

So lets see:

I've dated the pretty boys - and they're always getting too much attention and piss me off.

I've dated the nice boys - and they too get too much attention from stupid girls and piss me off.

In fact I think I probably boost these stupid men's heads to a higher level just dating them, and for some odd reason they think they can do better. HAH... This all leads into my curse which i'll have to post later in it's own respective section.

My self esteem is slowly coming back, and I've learned some very valuable lessons through this whole ordeal. I mean the entire one - that started with CE almost a year and a half ago and is currently, hopefully, ending with KP now.

I feel like the haze I've been living in is lifting up off me.

Now I can focus on figuring out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life, and how I'm going to accomplish it.

"If you don't know where you're going, you'll probably end up some place else" - Yogi Berra