That or I've just accepted my fate that I'm going to fail.
Ok, backing up. I've always been use to being top 5 in class. Everyone always does bad in these classes, it's all high yeild. Last semester I was stressing, hard core, and somehow I did really well on my shelf compared to the national average. (HOLLER!)
This semester I've been average. Not top 5, not top 10, average. Average SUCKS, I am way to competitive to be average. Somehow that bothered me enough to give me a complex, so much to where I overstudied for my tests. Other bullshitters would somehow not read half the book and only look at the sections we were tested on and get crazy averages, where I (who know how to apply all the clinical shit) am left behind in the dust crying because some ditzy pothead got almost the same average as me and SHE was hung over... ugh.
*Also... my roomie always struggled in all the classes, but this semester she's been doing much better than me. That annoys me because half the time she's not studying, or I'm teaching her shit. I've kicked her ass on the past two tests, and although it shouldn't... it's made me happy :).*
So starting last week, my month of hell began. My first exam did NOT go well. I hate my pathology class - my teacher doesn't teach, he just tells us to read Robbins. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! TEACH ME DAGNAMMIT!
But things brightened up with my second exam. I got the second highest grade in the class. Thank god.
I had my micro lab final these past two days (yes I know it's a weekend) and though I thought i did horribly yesterday, all my results came out AMAZING, and I thankfully used the right agars to figure out my bacteria.
:)
So my self esteem is back, and I've been sitting here for the past 9 hours studying... and I haven't even realized it.
I'm telling myself I'm going to pass - I've made a schedule - I don't want to be stuck on this island any longer than I have to...
I WANT TO BE BACK HOME!!! - that's my only driving force...
home.
I want home.
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4 comments:
I don't even know you and I know you will pass. That's the closest I get to compliments.
I used to have the same problem. I taught contracts two to a bunch of people, and they all got B+es and As, and I got a C+. The professor called me in to ask what happened (blind grading?) and he asked: "I don't understand what happened, you know the material so well." (He was, literally, an Ethiopian prince, so he has this weird accent that makes me laugh every time I think about this conversation). I told him "Maybe the exam was wrong." He was not amused.
lol, I like that response.
I'm stealing it
Haha. If only I had the guts to say that to profs.
I once had a cool study buddy who reached down and saved me on several courses. (I'm a practical assignment person, NOT a tester. Sadly.) I managed to accidentally beat this guy in a midterm because of his help, and he told me, "There are enough marks to go around."
I found that to be pretty amazing. I'm so the type to be bitter when someone I help beats me. Probably bitter enough to stop helping.
I'm not sure how my experience contributes to the conversation...
Yay self-esteem!
There always times in college when outside forces (even if they are mostly internal) take the lead in ones daily concerns. I was an all A student throughout my college days, but stumbled at bit my junior year. Though I recovered my GPA by my senior year, dizzying thoughts of life with a BFA in the midst of an nation wide economic collapse had me too worried to really enjoy the process. Without that enjoyment all one can really do is read and regurgitate the information. No synthisis ever taking place. My humble advice to you is don't think of home (if possible). Simply try to remember the feeling of enjoyment that helped you choose this field of study. Let that feeling remind you how to study for those tests.
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