Mentally available.

Inspired by Light Strikes a Deal I started thinking about image...

I test men.

Though I like the attention when I dress up for a man, say a first date, or a night out with the girls -- I don't want the main driving force of the relationship to revolve around my looks.

I dated a guy after my high school sweetheart that wanted a trophy. He didn't like me talking to other men, and I wasn't supposed to speak much when going out. I was 20 pounds lighter than I am now, 3 dress sizes smaller, and he would poke my belly and tell me I needed to work on it. I would like to make it clear that people currently tell me I need to gain weight. I was TINY.

As with all high school relationships I "broke up" with him a month later. Yes, this all occurred in a month. Shocking, I know.

I am way too dominating to be in a relationship like that. I guess I'm the only girl that has ever broken up with him. That might be why whenever I run into this guy in the clubs he still tells me I'm the perfect girl, and that we should get married. Thrill of the chase? I think so.

So I started doing things to test men. The guy above knew nothing about me - actually I thought he knew nothing, but he recently filled out a "myspace survey" about me that was pretty damn accurate. Shocker. - so I wanted to make sure future men KNEW me before I'd commit.

The Looks:
I was single for about 2 years before I met CPE. The first night he came over I was packing for beach week at the end of my junior year of college. I was in sweats and a t shirt. I never wear makeup, but the hair was pretty ratty too. He helped me pack, loaded my bags, and called me to make sure I got there ok. How's that for a first date?

After our first date, I asked KFP if he would model in my photography portfolio due at the end of the year. Mind you, this is the first week I knew the kid. I showed up in jeans, a ratty t shirt, and my camera back. He had only seen me the night he picked me up, and our first date. Make up, heels and etc.

I hate make up - scratch that, I do love mascara - and I rarely make an effort to dress up.

The mind:
Apparently people with good personalities aren't meant to be smart. One of my best friend's in high school a lower grade than me once told me after I'd helped her with her homework "no offense nic, but I didn't think you were one of those smart people."

I have two types of friends. My school/intellectual friends, and my go out all the time and party friends. It's like that episode of seinfeld when George's two worlds were going to collide if Elaine hung out with his soon to be wife. The only people who knew I was SMART and liked to PARTY were my sorority sisters - and I still wasn't too crazy around them. My party friends are crazy, and I had your typical nerdy chemistry friends at school. My worlds would collide in the school cafeteria where the Greek life had their little section to eat - and my lab buddies would ask if it was ok to sit there. (How very high school of us)

So within the first week I bring up random topics. I mention I read a lot of books when I was younger. See if they read. What kind of books they read. Are they into nature... your basic banter. I mention I like math, in fact LOVE math. I loved DiffEQ... loved loved loved. Calculus and I are buddies. Both CPE and KFP stopped at the book talk... no wonder they didn't work.

TB and I have the same history. Both book worms, and where I veered towards math, he went towards history and philosophy. He always told me some cool geeky fact every day - and I him. He became facinated with medicine and would browse through my books when I was studying. I liked that about him.

Regardless - I forgot where this blog was going, but once again I'm headed down the I miss TB path and I'm going to stop.

Relationships are about the mental and the physical. I wish I were only loved for my mental. I have so much to offer - but it seems that in this day and age, how cool I am takes a back seat to how cute I am - and that seems to only attract mindless assholes.