So I wrote him back, and sent the e mail about 4 days after his initial shocker. Most of it was spent replying back to his questions or comments, the end had a brief blurb about me and what I was up to.
I guess I was just really shocked that he wrote. I haven't checked the e mail since I've sent my reply, nor do I think about it unless one of my girl's from back home brings it up - or when I check into the blog world and see that my latest post is about the situation. I'm trying to figure out if that's healthy. How can I go from such utter shock and UGHness, to... meh? I WILL however be shocked if he does write back, and I am positive I won't respond to that one. I don't want him to be my friend - I don't even think I like him much as a person let alone know if I care about his life with the blonde... but at the same time I do care?
Ugh I am such a walking contradiction. How utterly annoying.
Anyway, it's sent, I let him know I have my life on a pretty amazing track - and congratulated him on his... house. He use to be so ambitious, he was going to travel, go into graphic design, live in san diego. I mentioned all those in the responding e mail saying it was a shame he never pulled through on all those. Maybe it was in a slightly spiteful way, one of those "Look at me, I'm everything I wanted to be - what have YOU done in 2 years" but at the same time it IS sad. He had potential, and he just ended up back in his old town a fat mortgage broker.
*shudder*
Thank god for small blessings.
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The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
-Jilly Cooper
"The chief cause of unhappiness and failure, is trading what you want most, for what you want at the moment."
Dear god, I should"ve been born a gay man
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6 comments:
This would be time for me to say something inspirational, I guess. Not feeling it.
Nothing unhealthy in the emotional roller-coaster. You got an unexpected reminder of something that set you back to remembering a failed relationship, and fortunately got some indications it wasn't going to have worked out anyway. I think that a lot of times we get caught up in whether something is "meant to be" because a person makes us feel good, and that causes us to overlook some pretty glaring weaknesses on their part. I think also that some people are driven, some people are driven by other people that are driven, and some people are not driven. Dude was neither driven nor driven by blondie. You are driven. Go be a doctor. There's a good chance that I'm going to go be an engineer once I give up on this law thing. Yay driven people.
At least as a fat mortgage broker, he's not giggling about locking 19 year olds up for the rest of their lives... says the fat marginally employed attorney. He could also be an axe murderer. I guess my point is that you've moved on, but there's no reason to look down on the guy because of what he does or wanted to do and didn't do. This is that shallow streak we saw a few weeks ago. Isn't a parent who sucessfully raises 3 kids as successful as Bill Gates in some ways? Be careful where you point your definition of success. Sometimes you don't reach the mountaintop, and when that happens, you have to be able to re-examine your goals. Can't rightly criticize someone else's goals and then cut yourself some slack.
Why can't I criticize? He wanted to do so much with his life, and he did nothing. I think its horrible when people change their life goals when they want to settle down. If that makes me shallow, so be it.
I got lost before, but I found my way, and all because of an impromptu fate-like decision that landed me here.
My current situation makes me travel (travel - check) is leading me down the path to being a doctor (become doctor - check), here I've seen the bad aspects of the island and made changes by fundraising for an orphanage (help people - check), and eventually, with delayed gratification i'll check off the rest of my life goals
1. doctors without borders
2. live comfortably
3. marry
4. have adorable babies that grow up to make a difference
5. not get fat and end up a mortgage broker.
and finally
6. Be happy (the most important).
"There is no closure like an ex with a bad haircut"
--soooo true.
If you're comfortable being shallow, so be it. The fact that you met your goals doesn't make you better than your ex who didn't meet his. I have too many friends who are construction workers, and deadbeats, and attorneys, and computer programmers and high school students, and infants to impose a set of rules on what others should and shouldn't accomplish. Sometimes I push them, but I won't judge them.
What happens when you've run out of goals? Or worse, when you get there, and realize you hate it, or don't belong, or both? That's my boat. I may go back to college at exactly twice the age I was the first time to try to salvage a career out of the last 10 years. I may fall short. I may make it. The attempt is a success.
What if he's happy banging blondie and being a fat mortgage broker? Maybe he's happier doing that than you will be being a doctor. If he takes care of his family, and better yet, has kids who are functional, regardless of his old goals, he's done ok.
I am very comfortable being your definition of shallow in this situation thank you.
And somehow you've twisted this up in that cynical head of yours, where I'm putting myself above those that make a living as blue collar workers or whatever. Very VERY far from the case - but not worth arguing. To each their own.
it's sent. done.
and it's not surprising at all that you went 'numb' to the entire situation once the shock faded. don't doubt your progress for one second. all it says is that once upon a time, you cared about him. and now he will turn into a fat mortgage broker.
if he's happy, fine. but even better, if you're happy, then that's all that matters.
You should be comfortable being my definition of just about anything. I don't judge you. I'm not sure either of us is expressing our point of view particularly clearly.
In fact, I don't generally think you're shallow (or that you're generally shallow). I do think you have an "accomplishment" bias. Not a bad bias. I sometimes slip and fall for it. I get what you're saying: "It's unfortunate that THIS person failed in HIS goals." If you didn't know him well enough to know that he would leave you for blondie, how can you determine how unfortunate his failure to accomplish the goals he had when he was with you? Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe his goals reflected his relationship with you? Some people are driven, some people are driven by other people, some people aren't driven. Maybe you drove those goals. Maybe these goals reflect his relationship with blondie.
I am always a little offended when someone says something is "not worth arguing." I am a highly trained arguing professional. I hear that as "not worth arguing WITH YOU." Arguing with me is a great privilege that everyone should be thankful for. You haven't argued with me enough lately. Your tolerance is getting low.
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