There are times when I feel I’m grown, that I surpass my peers and can actually look at things objectively, that I know myself and know when I’m overacting or being unreasonable. Then there are times when I look in the mirror and think, holy shit, you are 23 years old – who the hell are you?
So lets see, I’m stuck on this god forsaken island. I don’t have a job yet, I really don’t know anything that’ll happen after the USMLE step 1 except that I’ll hopefully be doing my clinicals in NYC and that I’ll be getting paid practically nothing when I’m doing my rotations. Then I think about money, and how I’m already 30 something grand in the hole, and by the time I reach step 1 I’ll be about 100 grand in. Not mentioning clinical tuition after that and yeah – my rotations, I can’t even think that far ahead without wanting to bang my head against the wall.
Next I think about love. Heaven forbid I have time to fall in love. If I surpass my time difficulty my standards are so effing high that FINDING him will be a chore. Or say I find him, and all I have time for is – well I’m sure you’ve all seen ER or grey’s anatomy or all those other shows on TV that try to explain the life of a medical student – gah! Who has time for anything anymore – and yeah I’ll say it, I want kids. When the hell am I going to be able to pop out my 2.5 kids and have my perfect family with debt the size of Mt Everest and a job that has me on call 24/7?
Then I look to the people on this island, my so called peers. Am I really a snob? I can’t stand 99% of these people. The second I get close to any of them – well lets see.
- We have the bitch who stole my IPOD
- We have sp, who is so friggin annoying – and whose ego has become overblown (but that’s another blog)
- We have… I’ll name him the midget – an annoying immature equadorian kid who whenever he speaks I want to bang my head against the walls. He’s more of a girl than I am and cries about everything
- We have scary naked guy
- Freaky MD
aaaaaaaaaahosifjoseijhwer
The men are disgusting, the women are whores – and I’m sitting here staring at them thinking “how the hell is that it I feel like the prude here?!”
Granted… as much as it’s hard to believe, I guess I am somewhat prudish considering I hate one night stands and make a man converse with me before I drunkenly make out with him – and no, you can’t come home with me the first night we meet even if you do only want to cuddle (HA!)
*dramatic pause*
So again I sit here and wonder, is it me? Am I the freak who doesn’t know how the world works? Should I know that it only revolves around sex and money?
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3 comments:
Yes. You should know that the world revolves only around sex and money.
"The men are disgusting, the women are whores – and I’m sitting here staring at them thinking “how the hell is that it I feel like the prude here?!”"
--Wow, they must be really bad for YOU to be able to look down on THEM...!!
You do realize that you're doing what every member of our generation does, right? I'm 30, and I still have the same concerns. You can get your Mrs. degree, or you can be a doctor, or you can struggle to do both, or you can do something completely different. That's the reason my blog is called breaking eggs. That's the point of the bizarre rambling on the sideboard of my blog.
I know people worse off in debt than you. What are the creditors going to do? Fuckem. Do what you have to do and things will work out... or they won't, in which case the worst case scenario is still pretty good compared to what most people in other countries face.
This insomnia thing is getting ridiculous...
I'm right there with you on being lost. Job, love, family, money, time. It's all one big mess right now. I'm not even sure what I'm sacrificing right now. Maybe while I'm finding my dream job, my dream guy is passing me by.
It's horrible! But if everyone's lost, then we're not so bad.
And I'm a big fan of Grey's Anatomy, so I feel for you. It may be over-dramaticized (did I just make a word or totally mutilate an existing word?), but it does seem like the life of a med student is very hard. That's why I'm not the med student. But we do need strong people to be doctors.
Fucking waaah waaah.
If you can't handle med school, go be a secretary somewhere. Otherwise, suck it up.
People always whine about law school too. It was a 3 year weekend for me. I'd do it again if I could. School is much better than the real world, you 23 year olds. In fact, I almost did a 2 year premed program so I could go to med school, but this firm decided to throw money at me. I'd be FORTY by the time I could actually deal with patients on my own. Craziness.
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