Easier

You should have just let me walk away, but you didn’t. Instead you made it your mission to make me change my mind. To show me you were a different person. To make me understand that all the things I knew about you were wrong – that you were worth it.

But in the end, as always, I was right.

Thankfully I didn’t let you in. I kept my independence. I kept the distance I had established between us just in case this situation arose, and like planned it did. Early enough for me not to fall into your trap, early enough for me to withhold doubt in my instincts. You, like always, were unreliable, and not worth my time.

In the long run you should have known I was too good for you. That you would never be accepted amongst my family and my peers as the person you wanted to be accepted as. They all hated you, they all hate you. I could never take you home nor could I take you out among them. I knew we would never amount to anything – but you kept trying to change my mind.

I won’t lie, I did give you chance. I told myself if you actually made it. If you actually did something in your life without my influence – without me pushing you, that I would give you the second chance you dreamed of. The one you begged for. The one you got on your knees and said you deserved because you had changed, right before I grabbed your face in my hands and told you that it wasn’t me you wanted but the chase.

In the end I was right.

You will never change. If it wasn’t now while I was indecisive, it would’ve been later when I had let you in. Thank god for my walls. Thank god for my lack of trust. Thank god I was already broken because with the show you put on, you might have done some real damage in a sane person.

Oddly enough I’m happy for you. I’ve always cared for your happiness – it just comes as a shock that I was right when you tried so hard to show me I was wrong.

You should have just let me walk away, but like we both know, I’m worth it – and you’ll never be able to do any better.

Sex, money and maybe some self reflection

There are times when I feel I’m grown, that I surpass my peers and can actually look at things objectively, that I know myself and know when I’m overacting or being unreasonable. Then there are times when I look in the mirror and think, holy shit, you are 23 years old – who the hell are you?

So lets see, I’m stuck on this god forsaken island. I don’t have a job yet, I really don’t know anything that’ll happen after the USMLE step 1 except that I’ll hopefully be doing my clinicals in NYC and that I’ll be getting paid practically nothing when I’m doing my rotations. Then I think about money, and how I’m already 30 something grand in the hole, and by the time I reach step 1 I’ll be about 100 grand in. Not mentioning clinical tuition after that and yeah – my rotations, I can’t even think that far ahead without wanting to bang my head against the wall.

Next I think about love. Heaven forbid I have time to fall in love. If I surpass my time difficulty my standards are so effing high that FINDING him will be a chore. Or say I find him, and all I have time for is – well I’m sure you’ve all seen ER or grey’s anatomy or all those other shows on TV that try to explain the life of a medical student – gah! Who has time for anything anymore – and yeah I’ll say it, I want kids. When the hell am I going to be able to pop out my 2.5 kids and have my perfect family with debt the size of Mt Everest and a job that has me on call 24/7?

Then I look to the people on this island, my so called peers. Am I really a snob? I can’t stand 99% of these people. The second I get close to any of them – well lets see.
- We have the bitch who stole my IPOD
- We have sp, who is so friggin annoying – and whose ego has become overblown (but that’s another blog)
- We have… I’ll name him the midget – an annoying immature equadorian kid who whenever he speaks I want to bang my head against the walls. He’s more of a girl than I am and cries about everything
- We have scary naked guy
- Freaky MD
aaaaaaaaaahosifjoseijhwer

The men are disgusting, the women are whores – and I’m sitting here staring at them thinking “how the hell is that it I feel like the prude here?!”

Granted… as much as it’s hard to believe, I guess I am somewhat prudish considering I hate one night stands and make a man converse with me before I drunkenly make out with him – and no, you can’t come home with me the first night we meet even if you do only want to cuddle (HA!)

*dramatic pause*

So again I sit here and wonder, is it me? Am I the freak who doesn’t know how the world works? Should I know that it only revolves around sex and money?

Uh oh

I'm in a weird place right now. My normal sarcasm is currently being replaced by seriousness and deep thought.

*pause*

yes well, it shocked me too.

I am constantly amazed by how small trivial things mean the world to someone at a certain point in their life.

Recently I've been thinking of KFP a lot. A lot a lot. A lot as in for some freakin reason everything seems to be relating to him. My ipod is constantly playing out break up songs (yes i know why do i have them if i don't want to listen to them... blah blah blah). Movies that we use to watch are constantly the only things on TV. People keep talking about jack johnson... that's a big me and KFP sex thing. Some bracelet he bought for me found its way into my antigua things and I'm currently wearing it... so that in itself is reminding me constantly (so take it off you say? yes... well that would be the easy way out).

So I wrote him an e mail. No not a weird i miss you e mail, but an e mail that just said "yo, I havn't spoken to you in over a year, and now I want to tell you what's been going on in my life even though I ignored your attempts at getting in touch with me because I didn't give a rats ass about how you and the hooker you left me for are doing." *breathe*

He hasn't written back.

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing.

I havn't written to him in this long because I really didn't think I wanted to hear how he's been doing. I mean, he really really hurt me. He's turned me into the heartless bitch that seems to come out when I find a good guy - and the wimpering idiot when I find a jackass. I frankly didn't want to hear "sorry I hurt you," or "I'm getting married to the slut I left you for even though she's only 19," or "I want you back," because I wouldn't know how to handle it. I wouldn't want to hear it. I wouldn't want to deal with it. I wouldn't care - point blank.

So why did I write him you ask?

Because for some odd reason I miss him. I want to hear he's doing ok. I don't want to really... converse, but I want to open that door back up.

Confusing? yes.

Hell I don't even get it myself.

like I said... uh oh.

The flight of the bumblebee

So things here are… well ugh – it’s Antigua, it’ll never be home. School is… school. I’m liking my biochemistry class a lot – yet everyone around me seems to hate it. Odd. Eh, I guess I just have a different learning ability. I like biochem, maybe I should’ve gone into research… I’m starting to lean towards pediatrics. I love kids. I want to do some pro bono work atleast one month out of the year out of country, and although pediatricians don’t make that much money… well – I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

We had a boat full of navy boys pull in this week. I’ve never been so ashamed of my fellow Americans. From bar fights, to puking on themselves, to running around naked on our beach, to flat out being rude – they sure did represent our country well. It’s pretty bad when I’m stuck on this god forsaken island and I don’t find a single one of them attractive because of their lack of manners. They pretty much disgusted me, and should be ashamed of themselves. On the other hand I did meet some really cool ones, I met a cook who other than being really young showed me his camera with almost everything he’s experienced on his first cruise. He’d come from a very poor white trashish area and the things he was witnessing and the places he was going, not to mention the amount of money he was getting paid to experience it all was overwhelming him. He was an artist, showed me a couple of his drawings, his camera had films of planes taking off and landing on the aircraft carrier that he was going to show his family back home. I met an older man who’d been enlisted for 17 years. He was very respectful and kept apologizing about all the “young’uns botherin’ us”. It was cute. Anyway – I slacked off most of the week either talking to them, or one of sp’s friends that came to visit.

That is a story within itself. Sp brought a girl into town. She’s cute, not hot but cute, typical blonde, not a very athletic body – just skinny. Anyway he’s completely in love with her – and she… she can’t stand him. So she’s been clinging to me for dear life, poor girl. Therefore sp’s been skipping class to be with her, and basically smothering her – while she runs away and tries to hang out with me as much as possible. She assumed she’d be visiting a close friend, he thought he’d be having lots and lots of sex.

*sigh*

men are idiots.

Speaking of idiots – CPE. He’s definitely fighting for me, you can’t blame a guy for trying. It’s pretty bad how he knows me as well as he does, because he’s doing everything right. He’s giving me space but at the same time sending emails saying the right thing. It’s hard because I know I’ll never want to be with him, I know we’ll never work, I know I’ll get sick of him easily, but at a distance non of that seems to matter and I find myself smiling at his e mails, laughing at his corny jokes… UGH!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! He also wants to come and visit. I’m torn between knowing it’ll be a bad idea, and wanting him to come – just for a couple of days.

I just want to cuddle, is that so bad?

Ha.

Lottery

I went to a baseball game.

On the way there the bums had lined themselves up begging for money. I being the gullible person I am and reached into my wallet for a dollar and gave it to one of them in passing without looking back. I heard him scream in surprise yelling “thank you thank you thank you” after me. “Weird,” I thought to myself, “It was just a dollar.”

There was a man behind me taking his little boy to the game. They were probably walking about ten paces behind us, the little boy on his shoulder. I heard the man tell his little boy “see? She just made that man’s day. Just watch she’ll win the lottery for that.”

I remember thinking wow – a dollar to a bum is going a long way these days. So I started thinking hmm, maybe being nice isn’t so bad after all. I’ll give more bums dollar bills instead of change. My spirits start lifting, it was a great day for a game, I was with my friends, what could go wrong?

I go to buy my ticket.

Prior to seeing the bum, I had three dollar bills and a twenty in my wallet. Guess what I found when counting up my money to give the boys for my ticket.

Three dollars.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!

I GAVE THE FREAKIN BUM TWENTY DOLLARS!!! NOW HE’S GOING TO RUN AND EITHER GET A SHITLOAD OF DRUGS AND OD OR DRINK HIMSELF TO DEATH.

I better win the lottery.

I’m in medical school – I’m the one that should be begging on the side of the road for money.

DAMMIT!

Karma… I’m counting on you now.

Recycling

The inevitable happened, I recycled CPE. I’m ashamed to actually admit it, but I would like to throw in there that I was drunk… both times. Oops.

It was a definite booty call. He was on assignment somewhere near me, or atleast near enough. He called me while I was drunk and, well, I wake up naked in his hotel room (it was very comfortable by the way) sore as hell. Apparently not having sex for almost a year made the experience mirror the loss of my virginity. OWIE. Lesson learned. Hurt even more the next night… yes I tried.

Contrary to popular belief I really am a good girl. I’ve only slept with the same amount of men as I have loved - hence, my recycling ability. Sex with strangers is dirty – I know of too many things that could go wrong or things you can contract that would definitely NOT make it worth it.

Here’s the bad part. He told me he loved me after…

*banging head against the wall*

I tried explaining to him that the only reason he thought he loved me is because I’m the only girl that’s rejected him. He’s a pretty boy. The kid snaps his fingers and has girls falling all over him. I asked him if he really loved me why he fucked up… over and over again. Why when I left him the first time and he had almost won me back did he revert back to his old ways. I tried explaining to him that it’s not me he wanted, but the chase. I tried to be as blunt as possible. I DO care about him… I just wish he wasn’t still hung up on me. I don’t want to lead him on, I know how that feels.

Ugh I feel horrible.

But there it is. I recycled. He was too big – it hurt. Now my lust for sex is gone and it’s been replaced by a need for cuddling, and movies, and kissing, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!

Miss me?

So it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, I know you’ve missed me. Things at home got pretty hectic, I have a lot of stories – I’ll write down the ones I want to get into here, and start typing them up in word and post them when I get internet access (which is rare nowadays).

I’m back in Antigua. I ran into sp at the airport. I think we’re in a happy place with that whole thing. What isn’t spoken about never happened right? Right. I also ran into the scary naked guy with his fupa’ed girlfriend. Know what a fupa is? “Fat Upper _____ Area.” Her boobs touch her fupa.

Nasty.

I was looking around for any fresh meat that might be the new med 1 class at the airport, and was sorely disappointed. Once again there are no attractive males on this island. Well actually… there’s an upperclassmen I met last semester. He’s a model from Miami. I mean I know what you’re thinking, MODEL?! WOW! No. He’s not that hot, but he takes great pictures. The kid is amazing on film. He also looks pretty damn good without his shirt on, but that’s beside the point. I’m in Antigua, which means my standards are much lower, and dammit I miss cuddling. I’m at that point where I’ve been single long enough that my hatred for a relationship has been replaced by a nagging crave for snuggling and wanting to do cutesy things that I would have gagged at a month ago.

*sigh*

I’m still plotting to get my ipod back. This requires being nice to the bitch, which depresses me. I’m not a happy camper in class when she sits next to me. But I plaster on that smile like the good little faker I am and suck it up. When I get my ipod back I’m going to elbow her.

And maybe pull her hair a little. (see video’s below)

Grr.

Girl Fight!

So - after watching a news special about how some teenagers stuck up a girlfight on myspace, I decided I was going to find said girlfight and watch it.

I found so much more.



Some are rather disturbing.


That girl at the end had a knife...


Don't mind the knocked out girl in the corner... she's fine - wait did I get blood on my purse?

Now I'm searching youtube which has much much more...

Men fighting is not as amusing, I wonder why that is...

Queasy

Went to grandlittle's birthday "party" tonight. JE showed up with R. My heart dropped.

Just when I thought I was a heartless bitch... I guess I do have feelings.

Home

Dead tired, yet feel the need to update.

- Came home to horrible horrible cold rain. HORRIBLE
- Taught a man how to play sudoku on the plane... after he told me about how his daughter is my age and is getting married... *sigh*
- Saw my dog had grown to resemble a pumpkin, and upon asking my mother how that came to be she replied "he won't stop looking at me when i eat!"... the dog no longer walks, he WADDLES! BAH!
- Ate steak. Actually I SNARFED it, it was amazing. I have had steak since getting home... I've been very content
- Saw my friends, things are right in the world. After being attacked, tackled and having my eardrums blown out by their screaming we went out and got shitty.
- I saw no attractive men out
- I am now very depressed
- CPE drunk dialed me, and thankfully I didn't meet him while he was in town, NO RECYCLING FOR ME! - damn? eh, don't know how I feel about that.
- Went shopping, got new jeans that make my butt look nice. Two actually. I've missed shopping.
- ALG somehow found out i'm home, and called me. wtf

mmm... that's it, can't think of anymore. I'm going to try to exercise my dog tomorrow. What a fatass.

R.I.P Stumpy

Yesterday I saw something that is better left unseen, something that you witness and can't forget...

Somewhere between my friend's villa and my villa - walking towards my friend's car enroute to pick me up (my location is difficult to describe, bear with me) I heard moans. Weird, kind of... yelps, I guess is the best way to describe it.

I saw it was coming from my neighbors house, I saw my neighbor crouched over the passenger door of his car - and yes the WORST came to mind. You don't normally hear a 80 something year old man make those sounds, the easiest assumption leads to viagra involvement.

I'll leave you with that thought.

But I was sorely mistaken. The site I witnessed was much worse.

I am an animal lover. Cute animals, ugly animals, soft and cuddly, weird and scaley. I think they're all cute. No joke. Most tame animals don't scare me and I'll pet any stray animal I come across not thinking about the millions of gross things they could be carrying on them (my excuse is that I haven't taken micro yet, ignorance is bliss).

Introducing stumpy. The horribly ugly sailing dog this old man found as a puppy - who due to some unfortunate accident no longer has a tail. She has a chip on her shoulder. Doesn't like men (I'm assuming the male atiguan workers don't treat her very well - they usually kick, spit, inflict harm, etc. etc.) and usually attacks sp whenever he's walking towards my house alone. But she likes me. She included my house in her daily checks, coming onto my deck and poking her head in seemingly saying hi before running off to her own house checking her owner's boat for lizards. When studying on my back porch she comes over and sits with me keeping me company and sticking her head on my knee. Whenever she hears my voice she - ok long story short I thought the dog was adorable and needed love - and everyone else thought she was ugly.

Apparently my neighbor's "girlfriend" (I really think she's a hooker, but I dunno - he's kind of coo coo) had taken the car to get gas. Stumpy loves feeling the wind on her awkward face and went along. Girlfriend gets out of car... (see where I'm going with this?)

Stumpy doesn't.

It was hot yesterday, it must've easily hit 150 F in that car in about 15 minutes, stumpy would've been dead in 30 - heat stroke most likely.

I witnessed my old neighbor realizing where his stumpy had been for the entire day, trying to cuddle the dog back to life.

It was horrible.

From the
oh oh oh oh OH NO STUMPY! oh oh oh oh *sob* what happened *sob* the poor little thing *sob* oh oh oh stumpy wake up
to him pounding on stumpy's chest trying to bring her back with some sort of doggie CPR... I stood there torn between continuing my walk towards the car that was supposed to pick me up, and trying to help (which consisted of my staring at this poor man trying to bring the more that dead dog back to life.)

I hate witnessing death. It'll probably be one of the worst things I'll have to learn to deal with being a doctor. Death is a natural thing - but after witnessing this - selfish I know - I can't wait to go home and smother my dog with cuddles and all sorts of shenanigans that'll spoil him and make him even more of a pain for my unsuspecting parents.

p.s. I went over later to see if the old man was alright - and he already has himself a new puppy.

*sigh*

RIP Stumpy.

Fried chicken anyone?

"Effective March 7th, all personal items that AUA students and faculty bring into the island will be subject to a customs tax. This means that at the airport, customs officials can and will appraise your items like laptops, text books etc. and tax you based on the type and price of each item.

There's also an additional environmental tax on certain items (like fridges and microwaves).

For the past two years, AUA students and faculty were exempt from this tax but a recent cabinet meeting has changed all that.

So, you might want to have cash on hand if you are flying back into the island."

As if this island hasn't sucked me dry yet... these greedy bastards fucking do this. You'd think with all the fucking custom's "taxes" we've been subject to, antigua could have i dunno... roads that are DRIVABLE, people who DIDN'T live below the poverty line, more than ONE hospital for the 80,000 locals on the 10x10 sq mile island... but no

These fucking greedy bitches will decide to charge us based on how much they want to stick in their pockets. Pieces of shit. Then they'll go eat more fried chicken.

Fuckers.

I hate corruption.

I would just like to say

That last blog WAS depressing. I'd blame PMS but I can't...

Therefore I blame my lack of an IPOD and the bitch who stole it.

I can't sleep.

blah.

I want home :(

I feel like this will be a depressing blog. I'm not even sure what I need to write about - I can't even think of a catchy title (that's pretty bad).

Basically... I want home.

I want it so bad it hurts.

The people here are... horrible. You can't trust anyone. From believing one of my closest friends here stole my IPOD and cheated, to scary naked guy, to freaky MD, to everyone else on this god forsaken island.

WHERE DID ALL THE NORMAL PEOPLE GO?!

I feel like I'm going home for a vacation. To be around MY kind of people. Honest, trustworthy, dependably, selfless... I dunno.

I've never been one to doubt I need people. I do. I need attention, affection, conversation... everything you expect from people you eventually become close to. In turn I offer dependability, trust, humor... I dunno.

I HATE IT HERE! Not so much the island, the PEOPLE! HORRIBLE HORRIBLE PEOPLE!

The govt. here is awful - they're selfish greedy bastards that don't give a shit about their people. The people here are poor and deprived. The men here make me want to vomit and are probably the horniest NASTIEST people I've ever encountered - marraige obviously means nothing here. Half the medical students shouldn't be allowed near a patient with the amount of immaturity we have running rampant throughout our school. The drama that escalates at our school is UNHEARD of.

Things I heard today about the cheater:
- She told us she attended last semester leaving after a couple days - instead I hear she attended the full semester and was failing, then took a leave of absence so she didn't get a failing mark.
- She was looking at her clipboard (the cheating device) during the lab exam, and that there was no way she didn't know there was writing on there.

I dunno... I'm trying to think of ways to get ahold of her husband's IPOD to see if the serial number is the same as mine.

I kinda feel better... I need to study for my two finals monday *sigh*

My poor blog...

I've been neglecting, I'm sorry

One more exam, some beach time, a plane flight, a couple drinks, outback, pizza hut, mcdonalds, chinese food and maybe some sleep later I'll add some of my old posts from the other blog.

I should do it now... I've been procrastinating with studying for my histology final after rocking the lab...

mmm... or I can browse through blogger and find some other cool blogs to read.

ready, set, GO!

p.s. I still think she cheated and i'm plotting ways to get close to the IPOD she said she had shipped in from the states which so HAPPENS to look just like mine. If it's mine I'll... I'll... I'LL THROW A HISSY FIT, and then I just might try to kick her ass (mind you I've never been in a fight).

Thinking about her possibly stealing MY IPOD is making me livid... grr.

The thief, the liar, my friend?

Making friends in a place away from home has proven to be quite... difficult.

You go somewhere new, surrounded by what seem to be edjucated, adult individuals, yet slowly overtime their real character comes out.

I have few close friends on this island. Within my first month here someone stole my IPOD from class. AWFUL I know. I was stuck on this god forsaken, 10 x 10 mile island without *gasp* my music!

I don't really want to go into the intrinsic development of this theory, but signs led me to believe my best friend on the island was the theif. I felt horrible for suspecting her, I put my doubt aside.

Today I took my anatomy final. The clinical was hard... the clinical is always hard - the lab was easy... the lab is always easy. For the first time I went to lab furing the first group instead of my usual second, wanting to get home early to study for my histology exam tomorrow.

I get a call when I get home - my best friend - "I need you to tell Dr. x that you saw S give me her clipboard for lab"

Apparently best friend was caught with a clipboard with all the answers for lab written all over it... she placed blame on S stating that S gave her her clipboard after the first session lab and BF didn't realize it.

...

I don't believe her.

I think she cheated.

I only think this because I still think she might've stolen my IPOD.

I still feel bad for thinking this.

*sigh*

The study buddy is back - must go back to work. - will vent more later

Recycling

I've started being nice to CPE again... he caught me online mid sentence talking to someone and I hit enter and it was sent to him - so he knew I was there. Regardless he unrelentingly kept IMing me till I answered.

I know this sounds awful, but I feel like I'm only speaking to him bccause I want to recycle him when I go home.

Have you heard about recycling?

Girls basically do it to keep their numbers down. We repeatedly sleep with people we've already slept with because it's "ok" we've already done it, we're not adding a number.

I know if I recycle him it'll be a very very very bad thing. But my recycling options are limited, my need is great, and he's an easy target.

I am a horrible horrible person...

Sometimes...

I remember how happy I was with you...





and how much you really did hurt me.

Oh boy

The inevitable drama has begun. Finals are a week away - I've already become upset with one of my friends (the kind of upset that makes me not want to talk to them anymore).

It's not that I'm even really upset at them, more like I'm upset with how upset they made me, therefore I cut them out completely.

People tell me it's not worth it. I think it is. I don't like feeling hurt.

If you hurt me, you're cut out - plain and simple.

... Valentines day.

I'm single.

I am very happy being single right now.

Tell me why I have to be happy being single around Valentines day when every FREAK out there seems to want to woo me. It can't even be NORMAL people, it has to be crazy stalkerish nasty's who don't take subtle hints (like ignoring, or not responding to direct questions, or---) ok let me start from the beginning.

Antigua is... lacking in a certain type of women. I fall within that type - which makes me a rarity. Therefore if a male likes my type... i.e. not thick, he will more than likely be drawn to me since there's such a small pool of my type..ish women here.

With that being said - OMG freaks galore!

Now I've already mentioned scary naked guy... yeah, he was the first freak (if you don't count the annoying ross med student who tried to come home with me off the plane). Now let me introduce freaky MD. Yes freaky MD tripped over himself to try to carry my books the first couple of days of class, but at this point I was still smitten with small penis (lets just call him sp from now on) since I didn't know about the dissapointment I was about to face.

ANYWAY!

This guy, definitly not attractive. He tells people he's a doctor, how he's already got a job lined up after his clinicals, he signs his name with an MD after it, and he's just a little.... overbearing. I was pretty smug when I found out I beat him in the first rounds of tests - but only you know that, shhh.

Soooo after he does so poorly after his exams he somehow tries to migrate into my study group. We all know he's weird by this point - and I mention to my friend he's being a little too friendly towards me and how I thought I should distance myself since I didn't want drama. They told me to get over myself he's weird with everyone.

For the record I would like to say: I WAS RIGHT.

This freak follows me around like a sick puppy. He's always buying me cheesecake or any other sweet he comes across and I don't even really like sweets. I mean at first I accepted it, until I found out he was running around to everyone asking if I was dating sp. He then proceeds to asking me to the valentines day dance they're throwing here. I MEAN ARE YOU KIDDING?! A DANCE?! I felt bad, I kinda acknowledged him and then told him the next day it wouldn't be a good idea.

I then proceeded to ignore him.

A lot.

I.e. he would walk next to me, I would duck my head and walk faster,
He'd come in our group, I'd leave.

TAKE THE HINT!

But no, know what he does, he keeps asking people if i'm dating sp. He myspace's sp and asks him what he did to "hurt" me so bad so that I'm pissed at him. At the superbowl party he would follow me around, ALONE, would lean against the wall and stare. No shit, STARE.

So I obviously get more freaked out and turn on bitch mode.

Well my mother comes to visit me. IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER he gives me candy, a teddy bear and a card. After I hadn't made eye contact or uttered a word to him in 2 weeks. Now it wasn't handed to me in a manner I could refuse he gave the chocolates to my girlfriend saying it was for the both of us after I ran away from him calling my name after class. Then he sat with us with the damn teddy bear during lunch - agian no eye contact, and I didn't eat any of the chocolate, I passed it around the group. In class he gives me the card - to which I say thank you, and after class he throws the teddy bear at me and runs out.

ARE YOU KIDDING?! WE ARE NOT 10!

So I get shit for "accepting" the stuff, and I'm getting people telling me to either keep it or give it back.

i.e. DRAMA INSERTED HERE

and I'm stuck with this dumbass teddy bear, my mother who is now freaked out I have a stalker because this freak kept turning around in class (yeah she sat with me, and he sat in front of me) to stare at me... freak - and I have people lecturing me on how I should handle the situation

FUCK VALENTINES DAY!

So the consensus is I have to now "break up" with this fucktard, who can't take a clue that I am not interested.

oh yeah - and then my neighbor asked if sp was my "man" and after I replied no (cringing because I knew what was coming next) he proceeded to tell me I was lovely and a whole buttload of shenanigans that annoyed me even more on top of the day's events.

He seems normal though, I think he got the hint I didn't like him when I walked away mid sentence.

Therefore - eff Valentines day

oh yeah, and: