Monday, May 22, 2006

The flight of the bumblebee

So things here are… well ugh – it’s Antigua, it’ll never be home. School is… school. I’m liking my biochemistry class a lot – yet everyone around me seems to hate it. Odd. Eh, I guess I just have a different learning ability. I like biochem, maybe I should’ve gone into research… I’m starting to lean towards pediatrics. I love kids. I want to do some pro bono work atleast one month out of the year out of country, and although pediatricians don’t make that much money… well – I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

We had a boat full of navy boys pull in this week. I’ve never been so ashamed of my fellow Americans. From bar fights, to puking on themselves, to running around naked on our beach, to flat out being rude – they sure did represent our country well. It’s pretty bad when I’m stuck on this god forsaken island and I don’t find a single one of them attractive because of their lack of manners. They pretty much disgusted me, and should be ashamed of themselves. On the other hand I did meet some really cool ones, I met a cook who other than being really young showed me his camera with almost everything he’s experienced on his first cruise. He’d come from a very poor white trashish area and the things he was witnessing and the places he was going, not to mention the amount of money he was getting paid to experience it all was overwhelming him. He was an artist, showed me a couple of his drawings, his camera had films of planes taking off and landing on the aircraft carrier that he was going to show his family back home. I met an older man who’d been enlisted for 17 years. He was very respectful and kept apologizing about all the “young’uns botherin’ us”. It was cute. Anyway – I slacked off most of the week either talking to them, or one of sp’s friends that came to visit.

That is a story within itself. Sp brought a girl into town. She’s cute, not hot but cute, typical blonde, not a very athletic body – just skinny. Anyway he’s completely in love with her – and she… she can’t stand him. So she’s been clinging to me for dear life, poor girl. Therefore sp’s been skipping class to be with her, and basically smothering her – while she runs away and tries to hang out with me as much as possible. She assumed she’d be visiting a close friend, he thought he’d be having lots and lots of sex.

*sigh*

men are idiots.

Speaking of idiots – CPE. He’s definitely fighting for me, you can’t blame a guy for trying. It’s pretty bad how he knows me as well as he does, because he’s doing everything right. He’s giving me space but at the same time sending emails saying the right thing. It’s hard because I know I’ll never want to be with him, I know we’ll never work, I know I’ll get sick of him easily, but at a distance non of that seems to matter and I find myself smiling at his e mails, laughing at his corny jokes… UGH!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! He also wants to come and visit. I’m torn between knowing it’ll be a bad idea, and wanting him to come – just for a couple of days.

I just want to cuddle, is that so bad?

Ha.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Lottery

I went to a baseball game.

On the way there the bums had lined themselves up begging for money. I being the gullible person I am and reached into my wallet for a dollar and gave it to one of them in passing without looking back. I heard him scream in surprise yelling “thank you thank you thank you” after me. “Weird,” I thought to myself, “It was just a dollar.”

There was a man behind me taking his little boy to the game. They were probably walking about ten paces behind us, the little boy on his shoulder. I heard the man tell his little boy “see? She just made that man’s day. Just watch she’ll win the lottery for that.”

I remember thinking wow – a dollar to a bum is going a long way these days. So I started thinking hmm, maybe being nice isn’t so bad after all. I’ll give more bums dollar bills instead of change. My spirits start lifting, it was a great day for a game, I was with my friends, what could go wrong?

I go to buy my ticket.

Prior to seeing the bum, I had three dollar bills and a twenty in my wallet. Guess what I found when counting up my money to give the boys for my ticket.

Three dollars.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!

I GAVE THE FREAKIN BUM TWENTY DOLLARS!!! NOW HE’S GOING TO RUN AND EITHER GET A SHITLOAD OF DRUGS AND OD OR DRINK HIMSELF TO DEATH.

I better win the lottery.

I’m in medical school – I’m the one that should be begging on the side of the road for money.

DAMMIT!

Karma… I’m counting on you now.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Recycling

The inevitable happened, I recycled CPE. I’m ashamed to actually admit it, but I would like to throw in there that I was drunk… both times. Oops.

It was a definite booty call. He was on assignment somewhere near me, or atleast near enough. He called me while I was drunk and, well, I wake up naked in his hotel room (it was very comfortable by the way) sore as hell. Apparently not having sex for almost a year made the experience mirror the loss of my virginity. OWIE. Lesson learned. Hurt even more the next night… yes I tried.

Contrary to popular belief I really am a good girl. I’ve only slept with the same amount of men as I have loved - hence, my recycling ability. Sex with strangers is dirty – I know of too many things that could go wrong or things you can contract that would definitely NOT make it worth it.

Here’s the bad part. He told me he loved me after…

*banging head against the wall*

I tried explaining to him that the only reason he thought he loved me is because I’m the only girl that’s rejected him. He’s a pretty boy. The kid snaps his fingers and has girls falling all over him. I asked him if he really loved me why he fucked up… over and over again. Why when I left him the first time and he had almost won me back did he revert back to his old ways. I tried explaining to him that it’s not me he wanted, but the chase. I tried to be as blunt as possible. I DO care about him… I just wish he wasn’t still hung up on me. I don’t want to lead him on, I know how that feels.

Ugh I feel horrible.

But there it is. I recycled. He was too big – it hurt. Now my lust for sex is gone and it’s been replaced by a need for cuddling, and movies, and kissing, and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ME!!!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Miss me?

So it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, I know you’ve missed me. Things at home got pretty hectic, I have a lot of stories – I’ll write down the ones I want to get into here, and start typing them up in word and post them when I get internet access (which is rare nowadays).

I’m back in Antigua. I ran into sp at the airport. I think we’re in a happy place with that whole thing. What isn’t spoken about never happened right? Right. I also ran into the scary naked guy with his fupa’ed girlfriend. Know what a fupa is? “Fat Upper _____ Area.” Her boobs touch her fupa.

Nasty.

I was looking around for any fresh meat that might be the new med 1 class at the airport, and was sorely disappointed. Once again there are no attractive males on this island. Well actually… there’s an upperclassmen I met last semester. He’s a model from Miami. I mean I know what you’re thinking, MODEL?! WOW! No. He’s not that hot, but he takes great pictures. The kid is amazing on film. He also looks pretty damn good without his shirt on, but that’s beside the point. I’m in Antigua, which means my standards are much lower, and dammit I miss cuddling. I’m at that point where I’ve been single long enough that my hatred for a relationship has been replaced by a nagging crave for snuggling and wanting to do cutesy things that I would have gagged at a month ago.

*sigh*

I’m still plotting to get my ipod back. This requires being nice to the bitch, which depresses me. I’m not a happy camper in class when she sits next to me. But I plaster on that smile like the good little faker I am and suck it up. When I get my ipod back I’m going to elbow her.

And maybe pull her hair a little. (see video’s below)

Grr.